Bad meat

Setting: Dad is assembling Max's school lunch. Max notices that Dad is putting sliced deli ham in the bag.
Max: "But I don't like ham. I want turkey."
Dad: "We don't have any turkey."
Max: "I want roast beef."
Dad: "We don't have any roast beef."
Max (sounding dejected): "Well then I'll have ham."
Dad: "Max. I think when I pick you up from school today, you're going to to tell me: 'Dad, this was the most wonderful ham I have ever eaten!'"
Max (pausing): "No, I think I will say it's the most poisonous."

Discretion advised

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are in the restaurant bathroom while Max is using the urinal. Emma starts to wander over to take a look.
Dad: "Emma it's not good manners to watch someone going to the bathroom."
Emma: "Yeah, it's not polite to look at Max's peanuts."

Versatile child

Setting: Mom is in the kitchen. Emma walks up to her with her arms straight out from her sides.
Emma: "Mom, I'm a hook. Do you have anything you want to put on me?"

Tweezers or ?

Setting: Mom was looking for her tweezers. Max returned them to her upon request.
Mom: "Max what were you using them for?"
Max: "I was pretending they were chopsticks for my monster Froot Loops."

Sleep Over

Setting: Mom finds Max lying on top of his covers on his bed at bedtime.
Mom: "Max, don't you want to be under your covers?"
Max: "No. The scorpions, spiders, snakes, and bugs are here to have a sleep over."

Contemplation

Setting: Max has some time to read books before the lights go out for bedtime. Dad finds him in bed lying on his back, looking at the ceiling, hands behind his head, knees up.
Dad: "Max, don't you want to read your books?"
Max: "I'm just thinking...about people speaking different languages."