Pestulence

The family household has been besieged by all manner of disease and pestilence over the past 6 weeks from your typical cold, to sinus infections, to intestinal issues, and now Dad's (not the kids) ear infections.
Through all this the kids spirits have been great but last Sunday we had some particularly trying moments that took Mom and Dad close to the edge. That combined with the Pestilence mentioned above birthed the following new dictionary term.

Pestulence: The convergence of pestilence and petulance within the same household on a given day.

Hopefully Nowhere

Setting: Mom is informing Max and Emma of her travel to California this morning.
Emma: "Where are you going?"
Mom: "Long Beach, California"
Emma: "Then where are you going?"
Mom: "Hopefully nowhere."
Emma: "Where is Hopefully Nowhere?"

Let's play church

Setting: After a particularly trying morning of whining, crying and general malaise due to illness, the family missed church. Dad explains that we will read a bible story this morning in lieu of attendence. A few minutes later...
Max: "Let's play church!! (then singing the jingle) 98 point 5 KTIS!!!" (Note: 98.5 KTIS is a local Christian radio station)

The Prisoners

Setting: Mom is setting out the placemats for dinner. One of the placemats has all the presidents on it.
Emma: "I want the placemat with the prisoners!!"

All the stuff

Setting: Dad is helping Emma settle in for bed.
Dad: "Can I give you a hug?"
Emma: "No. I want Twinkle Star and all the stuff."
Dad: "Stuff??"
Emma: "A wiggly hug, a wiggly kiss, blow you a kiss, tuck, tuck, tuck..."

Emma

Dad: "Are you my Emma Lee Luise Vytlacil?!"
Emma: "Noooooo! I'm Emma." (Cher is reborn)

It's too loud

Setting: Listening to music (Go Fish) in the minivan.
Max: "Dad, can you turn it up?"
Dad: "Ok."
Emma: "It's too loud, I can't hear it!"

A doggy

Setting: Mom tucking Emma in for the night – after a particularly precocious day.
Mom: "Em, can you do Mom a favor, please?"
Emma: "What?"
Mom: "You were kinda rough on Dad today. Can you try to be a good girl for Dad tomorrow."
Emma: "No."
Mom: "Missy, can you try being kind?"
Emma: "No."
Mom (persisting): "Can you try being gentle?"
Emma: "No."
Mom (persuading): "Patient?"
Emma: "No."
Mom (searching for another virtue): "Nice?"
Emma: "No."
Mom (giving it her all): "Loving?"
Emma (with a lilt): "Nooooooo."
Mom: "Emma, what do you want to be?"
Emma: "A doggy."

Lack of isms

Sorry folks. It's been a quiet week for childish profundity. As with all artistic endeavors one can only share when inspiration arises on its own. I will hopefully be able to add an audio clip this weekend.
Tom

Not a bit in the house

Setting: Max has been enthralled by one of "Mom's" Christmas presents. A DVD containing three Wallace & Grommit episodes (a great British claymation type animation). He likes to act out the episodes after watching them. Today's episode: A Grand Day Out. Max is perfecting his British accent so this loses a lot of value when typed.
Max: (looking in our pantry) "No cheese Grommit!!"
Max: "Not a bit in the houuuse"

No, don't tell me

Dad: "Emma, you have a cold."
Emma: "Noooo, I don't have a cold!"
Dad: "Then why is your nose running?"
Emma: "No, don't tell me!"

I'm Happy

Dad: "We have to take Max to school this morning."
Emma: "Where am I going?"
Dad: "After we drop Max off, we're going to take you to see the doctor. You have a cold." (Emma's in the third week of a cold and it's getting worse.)
Emma: "Nooooo! I don't want to see the doctor! I'm happy!!"