Passover

Setting: Max and Emma are doing a "sleep over" at Grandpa and Grandma Vs. Max is talking to Dad on the phone.

Max: "We had a last supper tonight."
Dad: "A last supper?"
Max: "Yeah, a passover meal."
Dad: "A Passover Meal?"
Max: "Yeah, I passed over the vegetables."

Noodle Etiquette

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are sitting down to eat some leftover spaghetti for dinner. Dad takes a forkful and stuffs it in his mouth, sucking the straggling pieces in.

Emma: "Dad! That is not how a gentleman eats spaghetti."

She proceeds to demonstrate the proper twirling technique with the fork and noodles.

They're listening too

Setting: Max's teacher has the kids draw something next to their name on every homework assignment. In the spirit of the season, Max drew a ghost. This one can hear your screams.

Praiseworthy

Setting: Max has just finished singing in his first school concert in 1st grade. He had a one line solo singing part as well.

Dad: "Max you did a great job singing tonight."
Max: "Thanks."
Emma: "What about me? Didn't I do a great job as the audience?!"

Dia De Los Muertos

Setting: Max and Emma are watching Handy Manny on TV (Disney cartoon about a handyman that speaks both English and Spanish). The subject this episode was Halloween as well as the Mexican holiday Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead) honoring people who have passed away.

Max: "I don't want Omi (Grandma) to die. I like her!"
Emma: "Oh Max, don't worry. Omi is too young to die. She has to be old like Oma (Great Grandma, still alive at 93) before she can die."

Jill Of All Trades

Setting: So yesterday was another blustery day. The realtor sign came completely unhinged...again. Today was wet and snowy and Dad decided to let the realtors deal with getting it put back on more securely. Then he saw this...


The sign was on the ground and she managed to get it back on both hooks while standing on an upside-down blue plastic pail.

The Halloweeners

Setting: Max and Em are sitting next to the pumpkins they designed. Emma's is smiling. Max's has sharp teeth!

Haunted Halloween

Setting: Dad attempts to take a picture of the dynamic duo in costume. Someone...or something...interferes.

Hard work

Setting: Max and Emma had spent a good hour or more drawing on the driveway with sidewalk chalk. The next day Dad was beginning to clean again for another house showing.

Dad: "Max Em, I might have to wash the driveway off tomorrow for the house showing, ok?"
Max/Em (simultaneously): "No!!!"
Dad: "Well, maybe I'll call the realtor tomorrow and see what she says."
Emma: "Yeah, you call her. Tell her I did hard work on that."

Emma's



Max's (New Mouse City which includes Mois Ilind, Mois Mexico, etc.)

Barack Obama

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are riding in the car. Radio is not on and it is two days before the election.

Max: "Dad...I think I like Barack Obama."
Dad: "Oh really... Why is that, Max?"
Max: "Because when he taxes gasoline...we'll get more windmills for Iowa."

Note: Max has actually seen the "windmill farms" in Iowa.

Question of the Day

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are eating breakfast.

Max: "Dad, are Gulper Eels friendly?"

Dad had to have Max repeat the pronunciation of Gulper Eel several times to even know if he was hearing it right. Then he gave his usual profound answer.

Dad: "I don't know. We'll have to look it up later."

Dad has now looked up Gulper Eels on the internet. You be the judge as to whether they are friendly or not.

Ancient Egypt

Setting: While visiting his Uncle Mark and Aunt Claranna, Max is watching a show on Ancient Egypt on the History Channel. It discusses how the Egyptians used slaves to build pyramids.

Some time later, Max is walking around hunched over.

Max: "When I grow up, I want to be a slave."

Exercise

Setting: Finishing dinner, it is decided the family will take a walk.

Emma: "Can we ride our bikes?"
Mom: "No, we are going to go for a walk."
Max: "Yes, we are going to walk because walking is exercise and exercise is good for your body. Mom and I will jog because we are good at it. I am an expert jogger."

Budge

Definition: To pass a fellow biker.

Example:
Emma: Emma is on her bike behind Max and says: "Can I budge you?"
Max: "Sure."
Emma passes Max.

The Authors at 5 and 7

A big thank you to Tirish at Content Photography for sharing the digital version with us for our blog!

When I Grow Up

Setting: Max's teacher asked each student what they wanted to be.

Max: "I want to be a cowboy. I will live in the wild west and will be able to gallop on my horse and spin my rope and catch my cattle. I will build a stable for my horses, sheep, cows, donkeys, ducks, and goats. I will build a cabin too."

Alsome

Setting: The family is returning from a dinner out.

Emma: "We always take this way sometimes."

Etiquette Lesson from Max

Setting: While sitting at an Italian restaurant about to take a bite of pizza, Max's shares some etiquette with the rest of the family.

Max: "It's not very nice to lick someone else's marshmallow."

Change of seasons

Setting: Dad was just finishing putting Max to bed.

Dad: "Max, do you want your door open or closed?"
Max: "Open. I want to let in the fresh, warm air... I am pretending it's summer inside."

As Dad walks away...

Max: "Summer in North America."

Focus

Setting: Dad was outside supposedly watching Emma's latest physical feat on the neighbors swingset. What he really was doing was typing a quick text message to Mom.

Emma: "Dad, you need to focus on me."

Brotherly Love

Setting: Max and/or Emma were in the process of apologizing to each other for some infraction or slight.

Max: "I love you, Emma. I mean I am not going to kill you or poke you in the eye with a knife or a fork."

Flip-flops vs. Sandals

Setting: Dad mistakenly identified flip-flops as sandals. Correction was required.

Emma: "They're flip-flops because they keep falling off. Sandals have straps so they don't fall off."

Meal Planning

Setting: Peas were served as part of dinner last night. Max did not eat his. So Dad put them in Max's lunch today. On the way home from school...

Max: "I ate my waterlemon. But I didn't eat my peas."
Dad: "Why not, Max?"
Max: "I didn't like them."
Dad: "Well you chose to have them for dinner last night, when are you going to eat them?"
Max: "Hmmmm. Maaaayyyybeeeee....Sunday, June 1st."


Note: After Dad got over laughing, he also realized that Max correctly associated the day and the date over 3 weeks in advance. June 1st is a Sunday (in 2008).

Pattern recognition

Setting: Dad is walking Max and Emma to school. No discussions had occurred to this point.

Emma: "Hey Dad, it's a pattern! Max and Emma go to school. Max goes to school. Max and Emma go to school. Max goes to school. Max and Emma go to school. Stop. Church!"

Planning

Setting: It's late Saturday morning, and Dad's already gone out for his bike ride. Agenda-boy, Max, is starting the weekend inquiries.

Max: "Mom, what are we going to do today?"
Mom (folding laundry): "Not sure, yet, Max."
Max: "We don't have a plan?"
Mom: "No."
Max: "Well, we need to improvise!"
Mom (surprised, just looks at Max....)
Max: "You know, Mom, improvise. It's when you don't have what you need and you make it up as you go."

5

Setting: Emma and dad went to school to pick up Max. Emma watched kids walking through the halls holding numbers for the buses outside to gather the kids from the different classrooms. So when we returned home, she needed to make her own signs.

Emma: "I need to make a 5. Which way do you make the lump?"

Self-Service

Setting: Max had a little leak in the middle of the night. He took his underwear off, put it in the bathroom sink as he has been taught and put on a clean pair.

24 hours or so later dad sees the underwear on the counter in the bathroom. He goes to pick them up and they are soaking wet. He immediately thinks the accident was of much larger proportion than reported.

Dad: "Did you get your bed wet when you leaked the other night?"
Max: "No."
Dad: "Are these the underwear that you leaked in?"
Max: "Yes."
Dad: "Why are they so wet?"
Max: "We washed them."
Dad: "You and Emma?"
Max: "Yes."

Worry Free Vacation

Setting: It's spring break. Max is talking to Grandma Sue about the pending visit to Milwaukee. Grandma Sue mentions something about the length of the trip from Minnesota to Milwaukee.
Max: "Yes, it's a long drive. But we'll get there. No worries."

The Other Frozen Tundra

Setting: Dad, Max and Emma are returning home. They are riding along one of Minnesota's lakes. The temperatures have been in the 30s and low 40s. Snow has been melting.
Max: "Look! A vast, white, freezing tundra of ice... Thin ice."

Geography 201

Setting: Dad is reading one of the books from the Magic Tree House series. This story was about a trip to Africa. At one point the book refers to the annual animal migration from Tanzania to Kenya.

Max: "Tanzania?
Max: "Hey, that's right next to Mozambique!"

Note: Not that they had much doubt, but Mom and Dad both later consulted the globe to confirm Max's knowledge.

Bad meat

Setting: Dad is assembling Max's school lunch. Max notices that Dad is putting sliced deli ham in the bag.
Max: "But I don't like ham. I want turkey."
Dad: "We don't have any turkey."
Max: "I want roast beef."
Dad: "We don't have any roast beef."
Max (sounding dejected): "Well then I'll have ham."
Dad: "Max. I think when I pick you up from school today, you're going to to tell me: 'Dad, this was the most wonderful ham I have ever eaten!'"
Max (pausing): "No, I think I will say it's the most poisonous."

Discretion advised

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are in the restaurant bathroom while Max is using the urinal. Emma starts to wander over to take a look.
Dad: "Emma it's not good manners to watch someone going to the bathroom."
Emma: "Yeah, it's not polite to look at Max's peanuts."

Versatile child

Setting: Mom is in the kitchen. Emma walks up to her with her arms straight out from her sides.
Emma: "Mom, I'm a hook. Do you have anything you want to put on me?"

Tweezers or ?

Setting: Mom was looking for her tweezers. Max returned them to her upon request.
Mom: "Max what were you using them for?"
Max: "I was pretending they were chopsticks for my monster Froot Loops."

Sleep Over

Setting: Mom finds Max lying on top of his covers on his bed at bedtime.
Mom: "Max, don't you want to be under your covers?"
Max: "No. The scorpions, spiders, snakes, and bugs are here to have a sleep over."

Contemplation

Setting: Max has some time to read books before the lights go out for bedtime. Dad finds him in bed lying on his back, looking at the ceiling, hands behind his head, knees up.
Dad: "Max, don't you want to read your books?"
Max: "I'm just thinking...about people speaking different languages."

Allergy

Emma: "Dad."
Dad: "Yes, Emma."
Emma: "I'm allergic to skunks."

Your Order Please

Setting: Emma and Dad are getting in the car to go to dance class. Emma is asking Dad whether he brought the weekly snack for post-dance consumption.
Emma: "Dad did you bring the snack."
Dad: "Yes, I did."
Emma: "Where is it?"
Dad: "In my (coat) pocket."
Emma, misunderstanding, starts digging through her dance bag. She finds unopened, unexciting, granola bars put in there from some previous trip.
Emma: "Dad....this is not what I wanted. This is not what I ordered!"

Reprise

Setting: The family is at the check out line at IKEA. It's a long line, and the kids occupy themselves with the assortment of items stacked on either side of the aisle.

Max and Emma spy a box of brightly colored neck pillows -- the semi-circular kind that you can use for travel.

Max picks one up, and brandishing his new épée, approaches his Dad:

Max: "Prepare to face your doom!"


Note: We can only imagine that Max linked the green, red, and yellow colored pillows to the vegetable pepper battle that ensued this past summer.

Vocal Attraction

Setting: Mom returned home from a business trip. After the excitement died down...
Max: "Mom, you have to come see my figure 8" (Note: any design of his wooden track railroad set is considered a 'figure 8')
Mom: "Ok, Max."
Max: It's upstairs. Close your eyes."
Mom: "I'll keep my eyes open 'til I get to the top of the stairs."
Max: "Oh, ok."
They get to the top of the stairs.
Max: "Ok now. Close your eyes and follow the sultry sound of my voice."