Meeting Santa

The Meaning of Christmas

Max: "It's not about getting. It's about giving."

Emma: "Giving something to others with a gift inside to make them feel better. And to be kind to someone you know."

Nativity

Setting: It's bedtime. While Dad was off in one bathroom, the kids finished brushing their teeth and proceed to play. Dad comes out to find both Max and Emma kneeling facing each other on a couch with blankets draped over their heads and bodies staring down at a stuffed Mickey Mouse lying between them on couch. Meanwhile they are singing Away in a Manger. They see Dad.
Max: "Hi Dad. I'm Joseph."
Emma: "And I'm Mary."
Max (pointing to Mickey): "And this is the baby Jesus."

Note: Doing his best to run downstairs to grab the camera and hurry back up, Dad was not quite quick enough.

Ready Reference Boy

Note: This is one of those entries that actually happened months ago but overlooked for entry. The Blogger's many apologies for your delay in entertainment.

Setting: The family is in the kitchen.
Max: "Mom, Mom, you gotta see this!"
Mom (at the kitchen table): "Bring it here Max so I can see."
Max (brings a large coffee table type book to the table): "Look. It's the Firth of Forth bridge in Scotland."
Mom: "Yes, it is Max."
Max: "But this is not where the cars go over. This bridge is just for trains."

Setting 2: Max leaves the table and returns about 5 minutes later with a second large book.
Max (as he points to a different picture showing both the Firth of Forth bridge and a second parallel bridge): "Here Mom. This is the bridge the cars go over."

More food

Setting: The family is finishing dinner.
Emma: "Mom, can we get some pretend real food?"

A New Radio Station

Setting: It's morning. Dad is still in bed. Emma walks in and crawls in bed with him. A few minutes later the radio goes on from the alarm clock. Emma reaches over and hits the snooze bar.
Dad: "Emma, why did you turn off the radio?"
Emma: "I didn't want it on."
Dad: "But I wanted to listen to it."
Emma: "I can be your radio." (and she proceeds to start singing a made up song.)

I should ask

Setting: It's bedtime. Max, Emma, and Dad are reading stories. They call Mom at a hotel somewhere on the East Coast.
Mom: "How are you, Emma?"
Emma: "I am good. How are you , I should ask?"

Safety Patrol

Setting: Dad, Mom, Max, and Emma are sitting on the loft sofa reading bedtime stories.

Emma: Mom, I have an owie -- it really hurts, see?
Mom: Let me see.
Mom (noticing there's no imminent threat of hospitalization): Best leave it alone.
Emma: But Mom, it really hurts.
Mom: Why don't you just try to forget about it and listen to Dad read the story.
Emma (after a few seconds): But Mom, I can't. I keep thinking about it.
Mom: Really, Emma, listen to the story; it's a good distraction.
Emma: What's 'distraction'?
Max (in full declaration mode): Cell phones are a distraction to drivers.

We are duly humbled.

Photosynthesis

Setting: Max is looking through a Dr. Seuss book named O Say Can You Seed. Needless to say the book goes into quite some detail discussing how seeds grow into plants and how they use the sun to create food for themselves. Individual parts of the seeds and plants are labeled in the book including embryo, stamen, etc.
Max has the book open to a page showing the sun shining down on a leaf with descriptions of how the plant uses the sun to generate food...
Max: "Mom, you've gotta see this. They don't use the word photosynthesis!"

Nothing like a warm fire

Setting (from Max's Kindergarten teacher): We were working on projects and I was hanging things in the hallway and Max wandered out to the hallway and plopped himself down and gazed into the fireplace that I hung on the wall. I didn't notice, but Mrs. G found him and asked him what he was doing.
He replied "warming up by the fire" with a smile. We had to take a picture.

Let down your peel

Setting: Dad is helping Emma use a peeler for the first time to peel an Asian Pear. Emma requests making a long continuous peel. As they are peeling the pear...
Emma: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your long peel!"

Question of the Day

Setting: Dad is driving with Emma in the backseat.

Emma: "Dad, do you need one hand or two to hold a butterfly?"

Thanksgiving is tenuous

Setting: Dad is retrieving Max and Emma from school on a rather cool November day.

Dad (as he is helping open the doors to the car): "Max! Look what do you see?"
Max: "It's snow!"
Max (now suddenly upset): "Now we won't have Thanksgiving!!!"

Mars and Venus

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are visiting Omi in Milwaukee, WI. Omi takes Max and Emma into a store with her. As they are finishing up.
Omi: "Ok guys, are we ready to go?"
Max: "Yeah, lets go."
Emma: "Can we look around for a few more minutes?"

Trick or Treat - 2007

Setting: Dad is walking the neighborhood as the Princess and the Pirate ply treats from the neighbors. As Max is turns from the still closing door of one neighbors house...

Max: "Man, that house smells! It stinks!"


Setting: Two houses later as the man is putting candy into Max's half full bucket...

Max: "Oh Man! Not again!!!"

The Pirate and The Princess

Halloween 2007

Lipsticks

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad are visiting at Omi, Oma, and GrandBob's house. Dad is about to leave the house for a couple hours and leans over to say goodbye to Emma.
Dad: "Goodbye Emma. I love you."
Emma: "I love you too dad." (then she turns away.)
Dad: "Could I have a kiss goodbye?"
Emma (turning back to look up to Dad): "I just put lipsticks on."

Philosophy 101

Setting: Mom walks into the family room and watches as Max brings a small table to a small chair he's set up in the corner. Max sings to himself the theme from Wallace and Grommet.

Mom: Hey, Max. Whatcha doing?

Max: I'm getting a table for Wallace. (pause)

Max: I'm pretending to have an imaginary friend.


Just ponder that for awhile....

Extracting Sympathy & More

Setting: It is an unseasonably warm and muggy day. Max and Em are walking back home from school with Dad. They decide to go say hi to the neighbors (Mr. & Mrs. D.) who are standing outside their garage. Max walks up to Mr. D.
Max: "I am so hot. Do you have something that can cool me off?"

Note: Max and Em both know that this particular neighbor has a refrigerator/freezer in their garage with all kinds of good stuff. Lemon Ice happened to be the choice on this particular occasion.

Memories

Setting: It was bedtime but Max's lungs were sounding a bit wheezy. So Mom got out the nebulizer to give him a little dose of steroids to clear up the lungs.
Max: "I did this when I was a baby!
Mom: "That's right, Max."
Max: "Aaaahhh, such great memories!"

Octubre

Setting: Dad and Emma have just dropped off Max for his Spanish class before school. The teacher is standing next to a calendar of October (Octubre).
Teacher: "Can anyone tell me what Octubre means."
Student: "October!"
Max (contribution loudly): "Yes, it's October. And at the end of October is Halloween! I am going to be a pirate for Halloween. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!"

Cause of the Common Cold

Setting: Dad, Max and Emma are in the car. Dad is instructing Max not to give Emma his water due to his cold.
Max: "Dad, why do I have a cold?"
Emma: "Because you have bugs in your tummy."

You can call me...

Setting: Emma is at a playground outside of church playing with a little girl. Mom is talking to them to see if they know each others names.

Mom: "And this is Emmie."
Emma: "Actually, you can call me Emma."

Hear me out

Setting: Dad is preparing the lunches for school. Emma is talking to Max about something of high importance.

Max: "Emma stop talking to me. It makes me feel all frustrated."
Emma: "Well, should I talk to myself then, Max?"

The love of a dog

Setting: Dad gave Henry a quick pet. Emma came over to pet him.

Emma: "Henry likes it when I pet him. He only likes me."
Dad: "He only likes you?"
Emma: "Well, he likes me and Mom."
Dad: "So he doesn't like me when I pet him?"
Emma: "Well he likes you a little bit. He likes me and Mom and you, but not Max."
Dad: "So he didn't like Max when he was licking Max's foot last night."
Emma: "No, he was just giving him a lick to say goodbye."

The Mystery of Power

Setting: Max, Emma, and Dad return from a dinner out. When they arrive home they notice that the power is out. This leads to questions.
Max: "Why is the power out?"
Dad: "I don't know, Max. Could be a problem with a transformer or a substation."

Later

We call Mom who is spending the night in Philadelphia. She gets updated by Max that the power is out.
Mom: "Why is the power out Max?"
Max: "I don't know. Could be a substation."
Max: "It's a mystery!! Dunh dunh dah DUNH!!!!"

"...Simply Mah-ve-lous"

Later that same evening....
Mom: "Em, can I call you 'smart'?"
Emma: "Sure!"

"You look Mah-ve-lous!"

Emma: "Mom, I was thinking."
Mom: "Yes, Em?"
Emma: "I still don't want to be called those words."
Mom: "What words?"
Emma: "You know. I don't want to be 'pretty' or....what's that other word?"
Mom: "Beautiful?"
Emma: "Right. I don't want to be called 'pretty' or 'beautiful' either."
Mom (bummed): "Okay."
Emma: "But, you CAN call me 'wonderful'."

Foodie

Setting: Typical dinner time set-up. Tonight, it's BBQ chicken, grilled potato (pronounced, of course, "po-TAH-to"), and sliced raw peppers (red, orange, and yellow).

Kids are showing disdain for sliced raw peppers. In an attempt to encourage diversity, Mom demonstrates the fine art of fencing -- each pepper slice, of course, making a fine epee.

Dad (in a French accent, ala Edna from "The Incredibles"): "En Garde! Prepare to face your doom. Ah Ah Ah Ah!"

Max: "Take that!"

(Pepper-based swashbuckling ensues....)

(Max, under reprieve, dips his pepper-epee into his milk.)

Max: "Mmmm. It tastes...different!"

Listening

Emma: "Dad, could you tell me that again, I wasn't really listening."

Persevere

Setting: Emma has an itch but we are in the middle of bedtime prayers.
Mom: "Emma, don't itch. You just have to persevere."
Emma: "What's persevere?"
Mom: "Max, do you know what persevere is?"
Max: "It means you have to keep on keepin' on even when things are tough."

The Source of Germs

Setting: Emma is in a timeout and crying.
Emma (crying/whining): "Dad, I need a kleenex for my tears!"
Dad: "When you stop crying and whining I will bring you a tissue.
More crying
Emma (more desperate): "Dad, the germs are coming out!"
No response from Dad.
Emma (screaming): "Dad!!! The germs are falling on my skirt!!!!!"

Pain Remedy

Setting: It's 10:30pm. Max (who should be asleep) comes from his room to call downstairs to Mom.
Max: "Mom."
Mom: "Yes Max."
Max: "My toe hurts."
Mom (concerned): "Your toe hurts?"
Max: "Yes."
Mom: "Is it bleeding?"
Max: "No."
Mom: "What happened?"
Max: "I drank way too much water tonight and it all went down to my toe."
Mom (struggling to deliver a credible solution): "Well, maybe if you go to the bathroom and pee, your toe will stop hurting."
Max: "Oh, ok."

A few minutes later...

Max: "Goodnight, Mom."
Mom: "Goodnight, Max."

Removable Smile

Setting: Dad is using a face cloth to clean up Emma's face.
Emma: "Dad! You're wiping my smile off my face!"

The truth

Setting: Max recently lost a tooth and had a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Mom is putting Emma down for a nap the afternoon after the Tooth Fairy's visit.
Emma: "Mom, is the Tooth Fairy real?"
Mom (just a bit stunned, choosing to distract): "Can I cover you up with the blanket?"
Emma: "Mom, is the Tooth Fairy real ?"
Mom (deferring to a higher authority): "Maybe that's something we can talk about with Dad."
Emma: "Mom, just tell me."

Ayieyieyieyie

Setting: Dad and Emma are in the kitchen, Mom and Max are upstairs still sleeping. Emma is on some nasty tasting antibiotics for an infection. She is screaming in protest at having to take another dose this morning. Max wakes up and moves towards the stairs. Emma cries out once again and Mom overhears Max:
Max (in a here we go again type voice): "Ayieyieyieyie."

Birthday obligation

Setting: It's the morning of Emma's 4th birthday. Dad quietly enters her room to wake her. He lays down next to her.
Dad (quietly): "Good morning, Emma. Happy 4th birthday."
Emma (first words of the day): "Did you have to decorate for my birthday?"

The Hard Life of a Princess

Setting: Dad was preparing the evening meal. Deciding he hadn't heard from Princess Emma in a while, he went looking.


Note: She really did sleep there for probably an hour.

Worser

Definition: (adj.) more severe or unfavorable.
Emma: "My owie is getting worser and worser."

Modern communication

Setting: Emma is speaking to Mom over the phone.
Emma: "I put you on speakerphone. Is that ok, Mom?"

Cold Logic

Setting: Mom's folding laundry on the kitchen table while a perfectly healthy Emma is eating her English Muffin (with butter and peanut butter) breakfast.
Emma: "I want some milk."
Mom (continues folding): <silence>

Five minutes later...
Emma: "I want some milk."
Mom (stops folding): (gives surreptitious glance)
Emma: "May I have some milk, please?"
Mom: "Ah, thanks Missy...Yes you may...."
Emma (pointing to her throat): "Mom, I was going to say please the first time, but I had a cold."

Checkout

Setting: Max and Emma are in for their annual checkup with the pediatrician.
Max (to the pediatrician): "Are you the doctor that does the checkouts?"

Presents

Setting: The morning after a visit with Grandpa Schmidt in the hospital, Max is relaying the events of the family's visit to Omi.
Max: "Grandpa Schmidt is in the hospital because his heart is sick. But nobody brought him any presents."

Toiletpaper chaos

Setting: During a visit with Grandpa and Grandma Schmidt while Grandpa was in the hospital, there was a discussion of the ongoing project of wallpaper removal at their house.
Later, while Dad, Mom, Max and Emma were driving away from the Hospital:
Max: "Are we going to Grandpa and Grandma Schmidt's house?"
Mom: "No, Max. We are staying and Omi and Oma's house tonight?"
Max: "Why?"
Mom: "Because that is where all of our clothes are."
Emma: "And Grandma Sue's house has toilet paper all over."

The Problem with the Heart

Setting: Max is flipping through the most recent issue of the National Geographic where the feature story is about the human heart. He’s particularly interested in the double-page photo spread documenting the implantation of an artificial heart.
Max (to no one in particular): Now they are cutting him open. Now they are taking his heart. Now they are putting in something… Mom, what are they doing?
Mom: He’s receiving an artificial heart.
Max: What’s that?
Mom: His own heart was no longer working, so they gave him a temporary heart until they could find him another one. (hoping she wouldn’t have to explain that further…)
Max: What was wrong with his heart?
Mom: Gee, Max, I really don’t know.
Max: I know.
Max: He ate too much junk food, and his heart got sick and said “aaa-choooo”.

Light & Dark

Setting: It's late on a weekday night. Kids are in bed and supposedly asleep. Dad looks upstairs and sees a light on in Max's room.
Dad: "Max?"
Max: "Yeah."
Dad: "Why is your light on?"
Max: "Because it's dark and I need it to see."
Dad: "What are you supposed to be doing?"
Max: "Sleeping."
Dad: "You can't sleep very well with the light on."
Max: "Oh."
Note: The light goes off.

When I Grow Up (Part 1)

Setting: Mom, Max, and Emma are having dinner out on the deck on a beautiful Spring evening. Thoughts turn to the future.
Max: "When I grow up, I want to be a Firefighter!"
Mom: "What does a Firefighter do, Max?"
Emma (jumping right in): "They water hoses!"

When I Grow Up (Part 2)

Setting: Two minutes later…
Emma: "When I grow up, I want to be a Princess!"
Mom: "What does a Princess do, Emma?"
Max (jumping right in): "They go to balls and wear glass slippers!"
Emma: "I don’t know, what do they do?"
Mom: "Well, they represent their country and spend a lot of time helping others. They visit children in hospitals, they visit people who need help, and make speeches about charitable causes."
Emma: "I think I’d rather be a Ballerina."

Growing Up

Setting: It's morning and Dad is trying to find positive ways to convince Max to want to go to school today.
Dad: "Max, you want to be a fireman when you grow up right?"
Max: "Yes."
Dad: "Well to be a fireman you need to go to school so you can learn things that will help you."
Max: "I don't want to go to school."
Emma: "I want to be a princess when I grow up."
Dad: "Well... you need to learn things to be a princess too."
Emma: "Dad, will you teach me?"
Dad (nervously pondering lessons on elocution): "...To be a princess?"
Emma: "No, teach me to grow up."

Iowa

Setting: Max and Emma only get to see a movie one day on the weekends or when traveling in the minivan to visit relatives in Milwaukee. The last 8 choices for movie have been Monsters, Inc. The family also took a trip to Iowa about 3 months ago.
Max: "Maybe we could take a trip to Iowa and watch Monsters, Inc. in the minivan."

Illinois

Setting: Max is looking at his assembled 84 piece puzzle of the United States.
Max: "Dad, where is Illinois?"
Dad: "Below Wisconsin, Max."
Max: "Yeah there it is. I've never been to Illinois before. Maybe we could go there after Speech."

Note: Max has speech therapy from 1-3pm on Monday and Wednesdays.

Owls

Setting: The bedtime story included a closeup drawing of an owl's eyes and beak.
Emma: "I don't like owls. They are scary!"
Mom: "Yes, they are interesting."
Max: "Because they can pick up children and eat them for a midnight snack!"

Power Play

Setting: It's dinner time and a choice of leftovers is on the menu. Max and Emma have chosen some fish sticks. Dad has set out the remaining chicken burrito. Emma starts picking at the burrito.
Dad: "Emma that's my dinner."
Emma: "Can I have a bite?"
Dad: "No, that is my dinner, you chose to have fish sticks."
Emma: "Pleeeaaassse! Just one little bite."
Dad: "No."
Emma: "Dad, you need to share. God likes it when we share."

Chores

Henry: "Arf."
Nothing.
Henry: "Arf, arf!"
Mom: "Can someone feed Henry please."
Note: Feeding the dog is one of Max and Emma's daily chores, and their only responsibility with Henry.
Emma: "I want Max to."
Mom: "Emma, please feed Henry."
Emma: "Okay, Mom."

Later
Henry: "Arf, arf."
Mom: "Emma, I think Henry needs water. Can you get him some water, please."
Emma: "Now we have to water Henry too?"

Too Soon

Setting: Mom, Max, and Emma are snuggling in bed on a lazy, rainy, Saturday morning. Emma is lying on her back, knees up, arms raised in the air - playing with her hands.
Emma: "Mom, look I made a heart!"
Note to audience: Go ahead, put your index fingers and your thumbs from both hands together like a diamond…then curl your thumbs up – you’ll get an upside down heart. :)
Mom: "That’s really cool, Em!"
Emma (as she throws her hands apart): "Now I have a broken heart."

Emma

Max: "Dad."
Dad: "Yes, Max."
Max: "I like Emma. She always plays with me."

Fireman

Max: "Dad, when I get to be a man like you, I want to be a fireman."

Birella

Definition: (n) what you should have with you when it is raining.

Emma: "Dad, we need a birella to protect us from the rain."

New Mexican cheese

Setting: Max is eating his lunch which includes a piece of square cheese. Max is taking bites from the cheese. After a few bites:
Max: "This cheese looks like New Mexico."

Meteors

Setting: Mom and Dad were understandably proud of Max's definition of a comet. So when they visited Grandpa and Grandma Schmidt, Mom had Grandma Schmidt ask Max what it was. Not satisfied with that one answer, Grandma proceeded to ask another.
Grandma Schmidt: "Max, what is a meteor made of?"
Max: "Popcorn."

Note: Max was in fact correct based on the Veggie Tale he recently saw in which a giant meteor made of popcorn was heading towards the stalled Veggie Tale space ship.

Looking New

Setting: Emma is looking at the wedding picture for Omi and GrandBob.
Mom: "Emma, that is Omi and GrandBob on their wedding day."
Emma: "They look so......new."

Walking in Oklahoma

Emma: "When I was a baby my foster mom and I went for a walk in Oklahoma and we saw frogs."

Travel to Fiji

Setting: Recently Grandpa and Grandma V returned from a trip to Fiji where Grandpa did some scuba diving. They showed a DVD of the trip.
Max: "Maybe we can go to Fiji and my dad can teach me to scuba dive. We can go fishing and I can catch a shark and eat the whole thing."

You missed me

Setting: Grandpa and Grandma V just recently returned from a trip to Fiji. Upon arriving at Grandpa and Grandma V's house, Max visits Grandpa in his office.
Max: "Grandpa you were in Fiji and you missed me!"

Look both ways

Setting: The whole family is in the minivan when Max spies a dead animal on the road.
Max: "Look there is a animal in the road that is dead."
Dad: "Yes Max. Sometimes when animals cross the road the cars don't see them right away. And the cars cannot stop fast enough so they end up hitting the animal."
Mom: "That's why it is so important when you want to cross a road, to look both ways before you cross. Because the cars might not see you soon enough."
Pause:
Max: "That animal didn't look both ways."

Together

Setting: It's breakfast time. Emma requests some yogurt. Soon, Max requests some yogurt. Then finally Dad gets some yogurt.
Max: "Look we are all having yogurt together!"
Emma: "No Max. Mom is still sleeping in bed so we are not all together."

Open your eyes

Setting: Emma wants to wear a dress for church. Mom can't find tights to go with the dress. She offers some leggings. Not acceptable. She looks up higher in Emma's closet and spies the tights.
Mom: "Here they are. I found them!"
Emma: "Mom, you were tricking me!"
Mom: "Emma, I wouldn't trick you. I just didn't seem them."
Emma (takes a stance and cupping her fingers around her eyes): "Mom, you just have to open your eyes WIDE open and look!"

The Comet

Setting: Dinner Table
Max: Mom, what's a comet?
Mom: (stalling to consider how to answer this question)........uh, Max, what is a comet?
Max: A comet is a frozen ball of gas and dust racing through space.
Mom: (stunned silence)
Dad: (pretty much lost it)

100 Years

Setting: It's 8am. Max and Emma are still sleeping after a long day yesterday. They have school in 45 minutes so Dad opens their doors a bit to let in some light and hopefully get things stirring. Max stirs, sits upright in bed and rubs his eyes.
Max: "Good morning, Dad."
Dad: "Good morning, Max."
Max: "I didn't sleep for 100 years."

Pause:

Max: "I slept just a little while. I slept for 5 minutes."

Baby coming up

Emma: "I have a baby in my tummy."
Dad: "You do?"
Emma: "Yes, and it is coming up."
Dad: "When is your baby coming up?"
Emma: "It's coming up in 15 years... And it will be 6 years old."

Note: For readers unfamiliar with how babies are born (coming up), please refer to a February blog entry titled Embryo.

Fiji disaster

Setting: It was dinner time. Dad was telling Max and Emma how Grandpa and Grandma V. were currently in Fiji. Max asked where Fiji was and Mom proceeded to show Max on his "Map of the World" placemat.
Setting 2: A little while later, Max was preoccupied twisting and turning on his chair. He bumps his milk which proceeds to spill over the table and on the floor. He gets upset.
Mom: "It's ok Max, it was an accident."
Max: "But there's milk all over Fiji!!!"

When I was your age

Setting: Emma accidently drops Moms hand held mirror from childhood. After making sure Emma knows that she is not mad she states:
Mom: "I had that mirror since I was your age."

A little while later...

Setting 2: Max discovers some blankets belonging to Emma and him stashed in the bathroom cabinets. Both Emma and Max are overjoyed at the rediscovery of the blankets.
Max (to Mom): "I've had this blanket since I was your age!"

Anticipation

Max: "Dad, why did the ice crack?"
Dad: "It's been warm, Max. When it gets warmer the ice gets thinner and it cracks. It's going to be warmer today and the snow and ice are going to melt a lot."
Emma: "And then we can wear flip-flops!"

Snow: Tunnels of Fun

Setting: The early March blizzard allow enough snow to accumulate so Dad could create tunnels to explore. (Taken March 6th)

Reading the newspaper

Setting: Mom sits down late for dinner and is looking at the newspaper.
Max: "Mom, what are you doing?"
Mom: "Reading the paper."
Max: "Can I read the paper?"
Mom: "Sure." (while giving Max a section of the paper.)
Max: "What am I reading?"
Mom: "The front page of the Wall Street Journal."
Max begins paging through the paper
Max: "And what am I looking for?"

Truck Dreams

Setting: Max is playing with a truck on the kitchen floor.
Max: "I wish I could fly, but I'm a truck."

Handling

Setting: Max was attempting to ask Dad a question while in the car. On the second attempt, Emma interrupts Max.
Emma: "Max, Max, let me handle this, ok?"

Conversation

Setting: Max, Emma, and their friend Henry were riding home together.
Emma: "Henry, do you have anything to say?"
Henry: "If someone is talking to me."

$16

Setting: Max and Emma had their friend, Henry (age 5), with them on the ride home from Max's speech appointment today. Following a discussion of his allowance, Henry was sharing the value of money.
Henry: "Sixteen dollars will buy you anything."

A Donut Sandwich

Definition (noun): A bagel

Example:
Setting: Looking for something to eat for breakfast.
Emma: "Dad, can I have one of those donut sandwiches?"

Shark!

Setting: Dad is attempting to prod Emma to eat her lunch so they can leave the house in the next 10 minutes. 4th such attempt as Emma continues to interact with her brother who has finished his lunch.
Dad: "Emma! You need to eat your lunch so we can leave!"
Emma: "But Dad, I need to save Max from the shark!"

Blanket power

Mom: "Emma, when I checked on you last night, I found you sleeping on the floor. Why were you on the floor?"
Emma: "Because that's where the blanket wanted me to be."

Underwear

Setting: Getting dressed one morning.
Emma: "Why do we have to wear underwear?"
Note: Dad has learned the value of the pregnant pause.
Emma: "Maybe it's because our teachers don't want to see our butts."

Flaming briefcase

Setting: A high pitched screaming voice wails from the family room along with angry stomping of feet.
Max (the screamer): "Give it back!!!! I want it back right now!!!!" (stomp, stomp, stomp)
Dad: "Max, what is wrong."
Max: "Emma, took my invisible briefcase and put it in the fireplace!!"
Note: Said fireplace is a gas fireplace.

a few seconds later:

Emma: "Here Max here is another briefcase."
Max: "Ok."

Embryo

Max: "Dad, what is an embryo."
Dad: "An embryo is what a baby is when it is in its mothers tummy."

pause

Max: "Yeah, then when it comes out, it leaves the tummy, goes up the throat, and out the mouth."

Shimber

Definition: (verb) to shake uncontrollably when cold.

Example:
Emma: "I am going to wear my scarf when I get out of the car so I don't shimber."

How much

Setting: Emma has just left the breakfast table to lie down on the couch. She is still recovering from a 24 hour bug that wreaked havoc on her tummy. Dad is covering her up with a blanket.
Emma: "Can I watch a little bit of TV?"
Dad: "As soon as Max is done with his breakfast."
Emma: "How much is that gonna take?"
Dad: "I don't know."
Emma: "Can you talk to Max?"
Dad: "Sure."

How Business is done

Setting: It's morning and Max and Mom have exchanged good mornings (in German).
Max: "If there aren't any roads, there wouldn't be any business."

Fuzzy hand

Definition: The funny sensation you get in your hand when you sleep on it too long.
Max: "My hand is all fuzzy!!"

Stop, drop, and angel

Definition: To walk in the snow, stop without reason, fall backwards and make a snow angel.
Note: This is an Auntie Pattyism after observing Emma and Max one winter afternoon.