The Source of Germs

Setting: Emma is in a timeout and crying.
Emma (crying/whining): "Dad, I need a kleenex for my tears!"
Dad: "When you stop crying and whining I will bring you a tissue.
More crying
Emma (more desperate): "Dad, the germs are coming out!"
No response from Dad.
Emma (screaming): "Dad!!! The germs are falling on my skirt!!!!!"

Pain Remedy

Setting: It's 10:30pm. Max (who should be asleep) comes from his room to call downstairs to Mom.
Max: "Mom."
Mom: "Yes Max."
Max: "My toe hurts."
Mom (concerned): "Your toe hurts?"
Max: "Yes."
Mom: "Is it bleeding?"
Max: "No."
Mom: "What happened?"
Max: "I drank way too much water tonight and it all went down to my toe."
Mom (struggling to deliver a credible solution): "Well, maybe if you go to the bathroom and pee, your toe will stop hurting."
Max: "Oh, ok."

A few minutes later...

Max: "Goodnight, Mom."
Mom: "Goodnight, Max."

Removable Smile

Setting: Dad is using a face cloth to clean up Emma's face.
Emma: "Dad! You're wiping my smile off my face!"

The truth

Setting: Max recently lost a tooth and had a visit from the Tooth Fairy. Mom is putting Emma down for a nap the afternoon after the Tooth Fairy's visit.
Emma: "Mom, is the Tooth Fairy real?"
Mom (just a bit stunned, choosing to distract): "Can I cover you up with the blanket?"
Emma: "Mom, is the Tooth Fairy real ?"
Mom (deferring to a higher authority): "Maybe that's something we can talk about with Dad."
Emma: "Mom, just tell me."

Ayieyieyieyie

Setting: Dad and Emma are in the kitchen, Mom and Max are upstairs still sleeping. Emma is on some nasty tasting antibiotics for an infection. She is screaming in protest at having to take another dose this morning. Max wakes up and moves towards the stairs. Emma cries out once again and Mom overhears Max:
Max (in a here we go again type voice): "Ayieyieyieyie."

Birthday obligation

Setting: It's the morning of Emma's 4th birthday. Dad quietly enters her room to wake her. He lays down next to her.
Dad (quietly): "Good morning, Emma. Happy 4th birthday."
Emma (first words of the day): "Did you have to decorate for my birthday?"

The Hard Life of a Princess

Setting: Dad was preparing the evening meal. Deciding he hadn't heard from Princess Emma in a while, he went looking.


Note: She really did sleep there for probably an hour.

Worser

Definition: (adj.) more severe or unfavorable.
Emma: "My owie is getting worser and worser."

Modern communication

Setting: Emma is speaking to Mom over the phone.
Emma: "I put you on speakerphone. Is that ok, Mom?"

Cold Logic

Setting: Mom's folding laundry on the kitchen table while a perfectly healthy Emma is eating her English Muffin (with butter and peanut butter) breakfast.
Emma: "I want some milk."
Mom (continues folding): <silence>

Five minutes later...
Emma: "I want some milk."
Mom (stops folding): (gives surreptitious glance)
Emma: "May I have some milk, please?"
Mom: "Ah, thanks Missy...Yes you may...."
Emma (pointing to her throat): "Mom, I was going to say please the first time, but I had a cold."

Checkout

Setting: Max and Emma are in for their annual checkup with the pediatrician.
Max (to the pediatrician): "Are you the doctor that does the checkouts?"

Presents

Setting: The morning after a visit with Grandpa Schmidt in the hospital, Max is relaying the events of the family's visit to Omi.
Max: "Grandpa Schmidt is in the hospital because his heart is sick. But nobody brought him any presents."

Toiletpaper chaos

Setting: During a visit with Grandpa and Grandma Schmidt while Grandpa was in the hospital, there was a discussion of the ongoing project of wallpaper removal at their house.
Later, while Dad, Mom, Max and Emma were driving away from the Hospital:
Max: "Are we going to Grandpa and Grandma Schmidt's house?"
Mom: "No, Max. We are staying and Omi and Oma's house tonight?"
Max: "Why?"
Mom: "Because that is where all of our clothes are."
Emma: "And Grandma Sue's house has toilet paper all over."